How do you feel when you come to the end of something?
Do you feel sorrow as you reach the end and realise that whatever it is will now only live on in pictures or your memories? Or do you feel excitement and maybe a little fear trying to imagine what will come next?
If you're like me you feel bittersweet.
I've been looking back at my career and reviewing the ups and downs in my mind. I find the downs tend to reside in my memory which fades but the ups tend to stay in my mind and my centre and whatever part of my brain in which resides the seat of emotion.
My best memory and what I will carry with me for the rest of my life was similar to what the Psalmist described in the 23rd Psalm
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You have anointed my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. - Psalm 23:5-6
Fifteen years ago I worked for a company called International Aqua Foods. Every year they gathered all the managers in the company for a weekend management getaway/awards banquet with their significant others. Two days at a resort culminating with dinner/dance, record of performance awards banquet.
It was really cool when I received the invitation in the mail, the banquet was in June at the Tigh Na Mara resort. We drove down island and all the arrangements were made and our place had already been prepared. Everything was paid for. All in all over the years my wife and I attended four of these banquets at places like this, Harrison Hot Springs and Whister. There's nothing better than a free vacation not just because you don't have to pay for it but because it feels so good when someone else decides to pay for you, to invite you and to make all the arrangements on your behalf. Where your room will be, asking you what you want for dinner and deciding where you will sit and at what table. I didn't care if I wasn't going to receive an award or even any accolades I was just happy to be there with my wife and enjoy the atmosphere.
On this particular midsummer evening I had just raised my first crop of salmon. They were a group of Chinook salmon that we bought from another company as fry. The Chief operating officer of IAF didn't want to grow Chinook because they are slower growing and not as efficient but he agreed to let my boss purchase them because we had a site that wasn't operating and it was better than letting the site sit empty. It was a good deal for us to increase our production but he didn't expect any great results.
Managers from all over North and South America were all gathered together in the banquet hall and the COO was at the podium giving his address. He spoke about the company and key results and then he began to speak about me and the results of my site. I felt uncomfortable but obviously interested to hear what he was going to say.
I need to pause there and give you some background on the people sitting at my table with me. Of course there was my wife and I, my boss and his wife, I think two other site managers and their wives and one other manager that I'm going to call Calvin.
Calvin had some good points about him he was really knowledgeable and experienced. At times he could be a nice guy but every once in a while he would change into a completely different person. His Mr Hyde was a a psychological juggernaught crushing everyone in his path with his rapier wit and cruel tongue. When this personality manifested he was extremely intimidating. Few people ever stood up to him. Some avoided confrontation others felt if they took a stand that he would bring an accusation against them to the boss and they would be fired. The boss's kids called him "Uncle Calvin"?
I won't bore you with all the details but when I worked for Calvin he had me under his thumb and later when we were peers for some reason he still held a power of intimidation over me until one day when I had a heated confrontation with him. After that we never had another problem.
You get the idea lets go back to the IAF banquet...
The COO was speaking about me and the crop I had raised, I don't remember his exact words but it seemed to me that he went on for a little bit saying how pleased he was with the Chinook performance, the harvest quality, sales profit and my work. That was a great moment in my career. Great to be commended in front of my wife but that wasn't the greatest moment. That was still to come.
After his speech and all the awards were handed out the COO made his rounds from table to table, shaking hands and speaking to the people at the different tables. And then he came to our table.
"Well done", he said to me and shook my hand. Then smiling he turned to Calvin "Now why couldn't you ever grow fish like that Calvin?!" and then he proceeded to repeatedly and exuberantly slap Calvin on the back laughing "HA HA HA HA!"
I was on cloud nine basking in the sweetness of an absolutely perfect moment. Poor Calvin his head shaking with every thump on the back looked like he had just eaten a lemon. For me it was a little tiny hint of heaven.
Shaking with fear and excitement
Standing at the edge of my life in this ragged tent
I'm glad I'll be pushed and won't have to jump
You've covered every expense
You've made all the arrangements
Vindicated basking in the light of the Son
It doesn't matter what I do there
Perfectly and infinitely better
Like arriving home at a holiday destination
