Hearts set on You

Some time ago I wrote about building a house and I believed in many ways God was helping us to build the temporal house we are living in. When I looked to the left He was there, and to the right… there He was. I feel warm and fuzzy just thinking about it. It seemed as though His unseen hands were guiding us through the process and bring every aspect and detail to completion.

And then suddenly last summer all that came to a grinding halt. Our builder left town and we had to get other contractors to quote and finish the work. Many of the contractors we contacted to quote on the work weren’t available. Of the ones that were available many submitted quotes or estimates that were extremely high. Of the ones that weren’t ridiculous many wouldn’t show up to do the work or would do a bit here and then disappear. The contractors that did what they said were precious few. Most didn’t show up when they said they would or made mistakes or forgot to do what we asked or didn’t return my phone calls. Sometimes I had to phone them every, single day to get things done.

Now I don’t want to scare anyone off who’s thinking of building. There are many houses that are built with minimal issues I’m sure. Maybe the completion date is extended but the house gets built right and close to budget. And at the end of the project when you move in you open the door and there’s a bouquet of flowers and a card from the builder. You open the card and it says “Thanks for choosing No Hassel Contracting. You paid me to build your house so I could take care of all of the issues and deal with all the subtrades because I’ve done this a million times before and I know you haven’t. I also know you are already busy enough with your career to phone people every single day and schedule time to meet with people at your late, partially completed house only to have them not show up and reschedule with you. Enjoy your new home!”

There was a time in this project where my wife said she wouldn’t build again in the future or if we went back in time and had this choice again. I said at the time I wouldn’t build a house again but if I were to go back in time and had this particular choice again I would. Today I can say I hope we never build again. Not now or in the future. Even if I could somehow bend space and time and go back with my present memories I wouldn't do it then either.

I realize I’ve probably learned a lot through this process and I know I have a collection of amusing self-deprecating anecdotes that I can make use of at parties to stimulate conversation or just to get a group of people chuckling but honestly I wish I had the last 6 months of my life back. I lost a summer with my family dealing with this.

Today, I realized what one of my problems is. A little while ago I was venting to a friend at work and I wasn’t convicted of what I said until now. I explained my frustration at not being able to get this house finished and compared it to my work. At work I have the money and resources of my company at my disposal and so to finish a project I can allocate thousands of dollars to get it done. If I needed more than my spending limit I would just put in a request and get more money. If a contractor didn’t meet my timeline or expectations I would just get a new one and they’d be sharper next time. But at home my finances and influence are severely limited and so I feel handcuffed to the contractors who I think will do a good job for a reasonable price. Or I try to do as much work as I can by myself.

I read this today:

Lowborn men are but a breath, the highborn are but a lie;
if weighed in a balance, they are nothing;
together they are only a breath.

Do not trust in extortion or take pride in stolen goods;
though your riches increase do not set your heart on them.
One thing God has spoken, two things I have heard:

That You O God are strong, and that You O Lord are loving,
Surely you will reward each person according to what he has done. - Psalm 62:9-12

I say with my mouth that I trust God but my heart, in this case, is set on my money and influence. What has been useful to me in the past is a random wave or moving sand.
God warns the priests of exactly this in Malachi

“And now this admonition is for you O priests, if you do not listen, and if you do not set your heart to honour my name,” says the Lord Almighty. “I will send a curse upon you, and I will curse your blessings, Yes I have already cursed them, because you have not set your heart to honour me.” - Malachi 2:1-2

If I truly trust in the Lord I have confidence in His infinite power. Through Him I can do all things and He controls mens hearts like water in the palm of His hand it goes wherever He turns it. God let my heart be water in your hand.

Eternal threads

Do you prefer the beginning or the end of a thing?... Or neither?

I love the prairies in the summer. The smell of sage, the wind in the fields of wheat, the endless prairie. When I was young my family would travel to southern Saskatchewan to visit my grandparent’s farm each year. One of my favourite things to do was to go for walks and look for native artifacts and buffalo trails. I would walk east from my grandparent’s farm up a hill where there was an old Cree campsite. All that was left there were rings of ancient looking lichen covered rocks. And stretching down the hill and into the distance to the east was a buffalo trail worn four to six inches into the ground. It was such a thrill for me to follow it as it led me over and around hills and through coulees. As I got older each year I would discover more and more of the seemingly endless prairie.

Then one summer as a young teen I visited again. I explored further than ever before and as I came over the last hill I remember looking down and seeing something that disappointed me so keenly that I have never forgotten it. A hateful fence stretched across my path as far as I could see to the left and right. The prairie and even the world suddenly seemed smaller at that moment. It would never be the same. The mystique of the eternal prairie hanging by a thread had parted.

This year I made a new year’s resolution to read my Bible cover to cover. Reading in sequence puts many of the figures in a context that explains so much more than mining out a chapter or verse. I am seeing things I have never seen before and I am enjoying it immensely but I am worried what will happen when at the end of the year I stand on the edge of the book of Revelation? Will it feel like I’ve run up against a fence? I don't think so. Even though the language it's written in is finite and limited I believe that the meaning is eternal and even living. For example; in English we use the word “love”. What does that word mean? We say we love our spouse but we also might say we love jube jubes. Huh? That doesn’t make sense. Greek, the language that the New Testament was written in has three words for love all meaning very different things. I could easily produce several examples that show our native tongue as a clunky, cobbled together tradespeak. Ok, so the English language is limited even in comparison to the other human languages the Bible was written in, I am reading the Bible in English therefore It follows that simply by my reading the Bible once I could never completely "explore" it. Thankfully we have the Holy Spirit to lead us to the parts we need to understand and not an ancient trail made by a herd of Bison.

The beginning of a thing can be intimidating, the end can be disappointing, knowing His Word is eternal fills me with hope.